To be fair to Aella, I don't think she is saying romance isn't real or that we shouldn't have it, any more than sex isn't real and we shouldn't have it. (It certainly doesn't read like one of those awful "romance abolition" pieces I've encountered!) Rather, it’s a bit of a corrective lens, because our culture is SO saturated not only with the all-consuming importance of romance but also with it taking a very particular shape, that it results in certain bad expectations, or at least assumptions that won't fit for at least some children.
I agree with you on Aria's post very much rubbing the wrong way. Similarly, I also disagree with much of Drunk Wisconsin’s post from a little while back on “marry the first person you date” (understanding it wasn’t met literally). Sure, I would have been fine marrying any of the perfectly nice people I encountered in college. But I’m a weird person, and it’s not just doable but incredibly fulfilling to be with someone I can be fully comfortable with, who meshes with me so well! There are a lot of shades of gray in between “unique soul mate” (which is bs) and “literally doesn’t matter who you marry” (which is very untrue to my experience).
Yeah I disagreed with that marry whoever post too. insofar as "soul mate" is a metonym for "person with whom you you have a profound connection with, with whom you are in love, and who in turn is in love with you", soul mates are not unique, each person probably has hundreds to thousands (or even tens of thousands) of potential ones. But finding one of those people, who Also has the makings of a good spouse, at the right time both of you--very nontrivial, very worth it.
And yeah like I said I mostly don't have a problem with aellas post. It just amusingly doesn't describe my experience with the cultural egregore of Romance at all.
For the love of everything, please DEFINE romance! Like for example I like romantically coded activities, like long walks on a beach holding hands, lots of hugs and cuddles and so on. But I have never ever met a woman I would make sacrifices for.
To be fair to Aella, I don't think she is saying romance isn't real or that we shouldn't have it, any more than sex isn't real and we shouldn't have it. (It certainly doesn't read like one of those awful "romance abolition" pieces I've encountered!) Rather, it’s a bit of a corrective lens, because our culture is SO saturated not only with the all-consuming importance of romance but also with it taking a very particular shape, that it results in certain bad expectations, or at least assumptions that won't fit for at least some children.
I agree with you on Aria's post very much rubbing the wrong way. Similarly, I also disagree with much of Drunk Wisconsin’s post from a little while back on “marry the first person you date” (understanding it wasn’t met literally). Sure, I would have been fine marrying any of the perfectly nice people I encountered in college. But I’m a weird person, and it’s not just doable but incredibly fulfilling to be with someone I can be fully comfortable with, who meshes with me so well! There are a lot of shades of gray in between “unique soul mate” (which is bs) and “literally doesn’t matter who you marry” (which is very untrue to my experience).
Yeah I disagreed with that marry whoever post too. insofar as "soul mate" is a metonym for "person with whom you you have a profound connection with, with whom you are in love, and who in turn is in love with you", soul mates are not unique, each person probably has hundreds to thousands (or even tens of thousands) of potential ones. But finding one of those people, who Also has the makings of a good spouse, at the right time both of you--very nontrivial, very worth it.
And yeah like I said I mostly don't have a problem with aellas post. It just amusingly doesn't describe my experience with the cultural egregore of Romance at all.
For the love of everything, please DEFINE romance! Like for example I like romantically coded activities, like long walks on a beach holding hands, lots of hugs and cuddles and so on. But I have never ever met a woman I would make sacrifices for.
Sounds like you've never been in love. I'm sorry:(