I'm trap maxxing for sure. 10 seconds gives me time to use a laminated bow or an atl atl, but that's high risk. Chimps can push through mortal wounds long enough to do me damage
I want those, but 80% of my effort goes into setting up barriers that hide snares, pits, tiger traps, and other methods of turning maticulous labor over time into huge advantages
Chimp is a climber so a tower for myself is only useful to the extent it gives me clear shot to harry with my bow.
Jungle mountain biome gives me what I need. Flint. Cordage. Wood.
If I get to start uphill, I'm doing that.
Also light wooden spiked armor to cover face, neck, crotch. Make it a bit harder to access the favorite chimp targets.
Spear as last resort with 2 belt knives as "I guess we're both going to die" if they get into actual hand to hand range past my spear.
Five years, start immediately with hardwood staff, then build a lashed bamboo cage around myself, then move to sharpened/fire hardened wood spears, then build and spend the rest of the time training on slingstones with woven vine sling. Cage+spear creates stalemate. Once it's clear that I can defend the cage, the chimp will eventually back up. I reach outside the bars to bean it with the sling. I have a lot of ammo, but if I run out, I try to scoot the cage such that I can topple it on the chimp and coup de grace with staff when pinned.
Slings, like the weapon David used against Goliath, are different from slingshots. I agree it's clunky, and I'm somewhat leaning on the fact that I have very long arms.
Slings are easy to make, which is HUGE in terms of having to make everything myself (and ammunition is super plentiful and easy to stockpile). The big issue is skill, and I figure practice makes perfect.
With poison blow darts I would be concerned about making high-quality darts. Just the dart itself seems really hard, and then there's the question of poison. Not only would I need to find and collect poison (frogs?), then apply it safely, but my sense from the thought experiment is that if chimp happens years after I apply the poison, the chemicals will have aged and probably stopped being potent.
But maybe I'm just being dumb and poison blow darts are easier. 🤷
You may be able to develop a preservative sort of substance (chili & boiled water?) over a fire with a small clay bottle and preserve a bottle of poison separate from the darts! That sounds easier to me but just bc I know more about pottery & food & identifying poisonous plants than I do about slings!
Sometimes I think I have much too low a survival instinct, because I read this and think, Guess I'll die by chimp. This is what men are for, I'm not cut out to fight a chimp.
Bro isnt this just knap a flint tie it to a stick with natural fibers and spearmaxx. A poke or two and its over. Even if he is a ravenous bestial orc thing. How tuff can he be
Not sharpened stick only: Sarbacane (dart tube, mouth operated). And you can make curare, a bit faster acting. Then you hope AF that your aim is good and that the chimp drops quick. That's how real extant chimpanzee hunters operate in e.g Congo and Cameroon even today, and apparently they can get a bunch from a group before they scatter. Maybe make a hunting net, might give you some time. And keep a lit coal in a horn / a torch, a bit of fire can give wild thing a start, yet more time... But yeah, not entirely sure you can do this if you're a modern office worker instead of a bantu bushmeat hunter...
Assuming that I get to spawn in my preferred location within my fortifications, a rammed earth pillbox and a bunch of spears are really all you need. Basically any biome can provide what you need, and you can waste almost zero time building tooling to make the fortifications. Throw in some pungee pits for good measure and you’re basically set with maybe a year of prep time to be ready.
I feel like a combination of tamed wolf and some basic weapons could really do some damage to this fucking chimp. I mean, raising a wolf pup to be your loyal servant seems reasonably doable when chimp death is on the line. I raised a doodle from puppyhood, how different could it be? And then some long distance weapons to stick the chimp with while my wolf is trying to White Fang that fucker and I think I've won the day.
I'd have to give myself a minimum of two years of prep time: this is serious business, I'd rather be in debt from not working at a job than die to a chimpanzee because I didn't spend enough time preparing.
From my point of view, there are three main objectives: intimidating/confusing the chimp through psychological warfare, limiting the chimp's movements through traps, fortification or damage and dispatching the chimpanzee.
For the first, I'm not exactly sure what would scare or intimidate a bloodcrazed ape. If I brought a significantly large animal, like an elephant or hippopotamus with me, while not at all tame, it could have an uneven effect if I can fortify against it. Not exactly sure how else I would do this, so I'll skip it.
I think the second objective would be the easiest. I could create a large mound of dirt and rocks with my hands. I could learn from the internet how to create spearheads and lash them to sticks, which I plant outwards around my mound. I could make multiple weapons that give me significant range from the chimpanzee: spears, a club, etc. While a slingshot would likely not damage it enough, if I extended my time to 3-5 years, I could make and use a bow, which would provide a massive advantage, especially with fortification. Vietnam-style ponzi sticks would be very useful, infact would probably just do 90% of the work in slowing it down and letting me damage it from a range.
To kill it, it would be very simple: piercing it's heart with a long spear after it has been sufficiently disabled.
Given enougb time, the chimp genuinely has no chance, I could guarantee it's death 99.99%. The main issue is the randomness involved in the starting time.
For this problem: you must choose an acceptable risk level for yourself: Would you accept an 80% chance of surviving if it means that you spend less of your life in the condition of anticipation? I wouldn't be able to accept anything less than a ~99% chance of survival, and I think I could kill the chimp 99% of the time after 2.5 years, so I would have to choose at least 5 years.
Beyond my own death, is there any punishment for losing? Is it acceptable to be at peace with the idea that I'll die some day, and if nothing else kills me first, a chimp will? Or should I be thinking about this like a video game where the "point" is to win the fight?
Cuz I gotta say, it's extremely tempting to just pick a nice peaceful biome and trade an unknown portion of an unknown lifespan for the ability to hang out there whenever
Dumb question: does the chimp remain in peak condition regardless of time span chosen? Like, I'm assuming it would be against the rules to choose a time longer than the lifespan of the chimp in hopes of waiting for it to die
Scared survival rage being directed at you from an animal the same size/strength as a human is probably not going to end well for human. Claws v human skin = hot knife through butter.
However, a Jason Bourne type figure, or maybe a member of the Gracie family - might, MIGHT have a chance. But probably not, is my guess.
Maybe, if you give a (now dead) gritty prison inmate that used to 'paint houses' for the mob a shiv, he could do it...
A basic spear and shield makes this pretty straightforward, honestly. The chimp is fast and strong, but he has poor reach. Give me a year, max, but less is very doable. Make a couple fire hardened sharp sticks and a wicker shield in the first couple days, some primitive neck and head protection (basically the only way the chimp can kill you quickly). Spend the extra time getting fit and progressively improving the materials of my weapons and armor.
Allowing fortifications to teleport in with you is way too OP. What does it even philosophically mean to teleport an empty hole? Can I dig a deep hole precisely 300ft from me, so once the fight starts the chimp immediately falls into it?
I do find the thought of a bloodthirsty chimp being teleported into battle and immediately falling into a ditch extremely cute. You wouldn't even have to kill him! Look at little Chimmy flailing about in the pit. It's adorable 🥺
Well yes I suppose you don't *have* to kill the chimp but you can't leave the arena until you do. Plus chimps are good climbers.
Anyway you can dig a hole "300 feet away" (whatever that means--if you're digging the hole aren't you always 0 feet away from it?) but there's no guarantee it will spawn exactly under the chimp. It'll be a gamble or you'll have to make it a ring
Regardless, you could also dig a moat around you and fill it with water. Chimps can't swim, so make it wide and deep enough (and maybe cover with leaves/grass) and you're basically untouchable.
Another idea is to build yourself a raised perch, then when the chimp starts climbing up, dump pepper powder or quicklime on his face. Finish with a spear thrust.
As you can see if you allow fortifications I'm going to use strategies that require the least actual fighting skill and allow me to be maximally lazy 💅
I'm trap maxxing for sure. 10 seconds gives me time to use a laminated bow or an atl atl, but that's high risk. Chimps can push through mortal wounds long enough to do me damage
I want those, but 80% of my effort goes into setting up barriers that hide snares, pits, tiger traps, and other methods of turning maticulous labor over time into huge advantages
Chimp is a climber so a tower for myself is only useful to the extent it gives me clear shot to harry with my bow.
Jungle mountain biome gives me what I need. Flint. Cordage. Wood.
If I get to start uphill, I'm doing that.
Also light wooden spiked armor to cover face, neck, crotch. Make it a bit harder to access the favorite chimp targets.
Spear as last resort with 2 belt knives as "I guess we're both going to die" if they get into actual hand to hand range past my spear.
The chimp points out that you misspelled meticulous and you immediately die of embarrassment
Surely I misspelled more than that! No way that's actually how you spell atl atl
I think the spelling you're looking for is atlatl 👍
Five years, start immediately with hardwood staff, then build a lashed bamboo cage around myself, then move to sharpened/fire hardened wood spears, then build and spend the rest of the time training on slingstones with woven vine sling. Cage+spear creates stalemate. Once it's clear that I can defend the cage, the chimp will eventually back up. I reach outside the bars to bean it with the sling. I have a lot of ammo, but if I run out, I try to scoot the cage such that I can topple it on the chimp and coup de grace with staff when pinned.
Also good luck with the labor! Don't let chimps eat your baby!
Agile development for single combat.
Slingshot from a cage? That sounds really clunky. Go for poison blow darts. Easier to aim as well I suppose, and actually used for monkey hunting
Slings, like the weapon David used against Goliath, are different from slingshots. I agree it's clunky, and I'm somewhat leaning on the fact that I have very long arms.
Slings are easy to make, which is HUGE in terms of having to make everything myself (and ammunition is super plentiful and easy to stockpile). The big issue is skill, and I figure practice makes perfect.
With poison blow darts I would be concerned about making high-quality darts. Just the dart itself seems really hard, and then there's the question of poison. Not only would I need to find and collect poison (frogs?), then apply it safely, but my sense from the thought experiment is that if chimp happens years after I apply the poison, the chemicals will have aged and probably stopped being potent.
But maybe I'm just being dumb and poison blow darts are easier. 🤷
You may be able to develop a preservative sort of substance (chili & boiled water?) over a fire with a small clay bottle and preserve a bottle of poison separate from the darts! That sounds easier to me but just bc I know more about pottery & food & identifying poisonous plants than I do about slings!
Sometimes I think I have much too low a survival instinct, because I read this and think, Guess I'll die by chimp. This is what men are for, I'm not cut out to fight a chimp.
I'm a man and I couldn't figure it out either, though googling 'prep time' revealed to me this was apparently a superhero meme.
I would do this. Crowdsource the best solution. Which makes me think this is not a hypothetical situation at all :O
Bro isnt this just knap a flint tie it to a stick with natural fibers and spearmaxx. A poke or two and its over. Even if he is a ravenous bestial orc thing. How tuff can he be
Easy. Amazon, sharpened stick, poison dart frog. The hardest part would be actually finding the frog, the rest could be done in an afternoon.
How long does it take to die by dart frog?
Not sharpened stick only: Sarbacane (dart tube, mouth operated). And you can make curare, a bit faster acting. Then you hope AF that your aim is good and that the chimp drops quick. That's how real extant chimpanzee hunters operate in e.g Congo and Cameroon even today, and apparently they can get a bunch from a group before they scatter. Maybe make a hunting net, might give you some time. And keep a lit coal in a horn / a torch, a bit of fire can give wild thing a start, yet more time... But yeah, not entirely sure you can do this if you're a modern office worker instead of a bantu bushmeat hunter...
Assuming that I get to spawn in my preferred location within my fortifications, a rammed earth pillbox and a bunch of spears are really all you need. Basically any biome can provide what you need, and you can waste almost zero time building tooling to make the fortifications. Throw in some pungee pits for good measure and you’re basically set with maybe a year of prep time to be ready.
I feel like a combination of tamed wolf and some basic weapons could really do some damage to this fucking chimp. I mean, raising a wolf pup to be your loyal servant seems reasonably doable when chimp death is on the line. I raised a doodle from puppyhood, how different could it be? And then some long distance weapons to stick the chimp with while my wolf is trying to White Fang that fucker and I think I've won the day.
I'm pretty sure I beat this chimp handily with a correctly sized and shaped rock.
I'd have to give myself a minimum of two years of prep time: this is serious business, I'd rather be in debt from not working at a job than die to a chimpanzee because I didn't spend enough time preparing.
From my point of view, there are three main objectives: intimidating/confusing the chimp through psychological warfare, limiting the chimp's movements through traps, fortification or damage and dispatching the chimpanzee.
For the first, I'm not exactly sure what would scare or intimidate a bloodcrazed ape. If I brought a significantly large animal, like an elephant or hippopotamus with me, while not at all tame, it could have an uneven effect if I can fortify against it. Not exactly sure how else I would do this, so I'll skip it.
I think the second objective would be the easiest. I could create a large mound of dirt and rocks with my hands. I could learn from the internet how to create spearheads and lash them to sticks, which I plant outwards around my mound. I could make multiple weapons that give me significant range from the chimpanzee: spears, a club, etc. While a slingshot would likely not damage it enough, if I extended my time to 3-5 years, I could make and use a bow, which would provide a massive advantage, especially with fortification. Vietnam-style ponzi sticks would be very useful, infact would probably just do 90% of the work in slowing it down and letting me damage it from a range.
To kill it, it would be very simple: piercing it's heart with a long spear after it has been sufficiently disabled.
Given enougb time, the chimp genuinely has no chance, I could guarantee it's death 99.99%. The main issue is the randomness involved in the starting time.
For this problem: you must choose an acceptable risk level for yourself: Would you accept an 80% chance of surviving if it means that you spend less of your life in the condition of anticipation? I wouldn't be able to accept anything less than a ~99% chance of survival, and I think I could kill the chimp 99% of the time after 2.5 years, so I would have to choose at least 5 years.
Beyond my own death, is there any punishment for losing? Is it acceptable to be at peace with the idea that I'll die some day, and if nothing else kills me first, a chimp will? Or should I be thinking about this like a video game where the "point" is to win the fight?
Cuz I gotta say, it's extremely tempting to just pick a nice peaceful biome and trade an unknown portion of an unknown lifespan for the ability to hang out there whenever
I think that's an acceptable answer to the question!
Pull down my pants. The chimp howls with laughter. I stab it in the chest with my spear.
Dumb question: does the chimp remain in peak condition regardless of time span chosen? Like, I'm assuming it would be against the rules to choose a time longer than the lifespan of the chimp in hopes of waiting for it to die
Yes for all intents and purposes the chimp is spontaneously generated in average chimp condition right at the start of the fight
I feel certain to die unless I can find a man in the ancestral environment
Scared survival rage being directed at you from an animal the same size/strength as a human is probably not going to end well for human. Claws v human skin = hot knife through butter.
However, a Jason Bourne type figure, or maybe a member of the Gracie family - might, MIGHT have a chance. But probably not, is my guess.
Maybe, if you give a (now dead) gritty prison inmate that used to 'paint houses' for the mob a shiv, he could do it...
A basic spear and shield makes this pretty straightforward, honestly. The chimp is fast and strong, but he has poor reach. Give me a year, max, but less is very doable. Make a couple fire hardened sharp sticks and a wicker shield in the first couple days, some primitive neck and head protection (basically the only way the chimp can kill you quickly). Spend the extra time getting fit and progressively improving the materials of my weapons and armor.
Allowing fortifications to teleport in with you is way too OP. What does it even philosophically mean to teleport an empty hole? Can I dig a deep hole precisely 300ft from me, so once the fight starts the chimp immediately falls into it?
This falls under the category of "being cute" and is not allowed
I do find the thought of a bloodthirsty chimp being teleported into battle and immediately falling into a ditch extremely cute. You wouldn't even have to kill him! Look at little Chimmy flailing about in the pit. It's adorable 🥺
Well yes I suppose you don't *have* to kill the chimp but you can't leave the arena until you do. Plus chimps are good climbers.
Anyway you can dig a hole "300 feet away" (whatever that means--if you're digging the hole aren't you always 0 feet away from it?) but there's no guarantee it will spawn exactly under the chimp. It'll be a gamble or you'll have to make it a ring
Regardless, you could also dig a moat around you and fill it with water. Chimps can't swim, so make it wide and deep enough (and maybe cover with leaves/grass) and you're basically untouchable.
Another idea is to build yourself a raised perch, then when the chimp starts climbing up, dump pepper powder or quicklime on his face. Finish with a spear thrust.
As you can see if you allow fortifications I'm going to use strategies that require the least actual fighting skill and allow me to be maximally lazy 💅
you'd have to MAKE the quicklime as well as the tools to make the quicklime. can you make the tools you'd need to make quicklime?